This time of year allergies are affecting most people in
some way. Some of us suffer from allergies
to pollen, mold spores and other substances, which can really get us down. I bet you are wondering what allergies have
to do with love. Did you know that you
could have an emotional allergy the same way you have a physical allergy? Emotional
allergies negatively affect us the same way physical allergies effect us, and emotional
allergies can be just as debilitating. Just
like a physical allergy, an emotional allergy is a hyper-sensitivity. But, the
emotional allergy is something that ‘happened to us’ in the past; usually something
traumatic. It can be a trauma with a little ‘t’ or a big ‘T’. Thursday, May 1, 2014
Spring is in the Air - Could You be Allergic to your Partner?
This time of year allergies are affecting most people in
some way. Some of us suffer from allergies
to pollen, mold spores and other substances, which can really get us down. I bet you are wondering what allergies have
to do with love. Did you know that you
could have an emotional allergy the same way you have a physical allergy? Emotional
allergies negatively affect us the same way physical allergies effect us, and emotional
allergies can be just as debilitating. Just
like a physical allergy, an emotional allergy is a hyper-sensitivity. But, the
emotional allergy is something that ‘happened to us’ in the past; usually something
traumatic. It can be a trauma with a little ‘t’ or a big ‘T’. 
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
The Trouble with a First Kiss
At
the Relationship Center we work with many couples who are trying to
work through the betrayal of infidelity. Not only does the betrayed
partner wonder 'how could you cross the line'; so does the partner who
was unfaithful wonder 'how did it spin so out of control?' I
don't think that most people know the risks of flirting and of the
innocent 'kiss'. Both of these YouTube videos should help everyone
understand the risk you might be taking with that seemingly innocent
'first kiss'. First Kiss (with models)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpbDHxCV29A
First Kiss (remake without models)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLKmr_aI5rg
Monday, March 31, 2014
No More BUTS: Love The One You're With
by
So... you've been fantasizing about trading in your partner for a newer model, hmm? Dreaming about what it would be like to be with someone else? Well, you might want to knock it off. That "grass is always greener" attitude could spell doom for your relationship in the long run.
According to the Early Years of Marriage Project, a landmark study that has followed the same couples for 20-plus years, the happiest couples are those who focus on what they like about their current relationship. "Focusing on what's going well -- rather than looking elsewhere for something that might be better -- strengthens a marriage," says marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., the study's project director and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.
Still not ready to give up your wandering eye? See if any of these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm just thinking about meeting someone new. I'm not acting on it, so I'm not hurting anyone. That's a slippery slope, says psychotherapist Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., author of The 7 Stages of Marriage. "If you're having those thoughts on regular basis, you're creating more vulnerability for yourself to be tempted -- and you're going to be in trouble sooner rather than later."
So... you've been fantasizing about trading in your partner for a newer model, hmm? Dreaming about what it would be like to be with someone else? Well, you might want to knock it off. That "grass is always greener" attitude could spell doom for your relationship in the long run.
According to the Early Years of Marriage Project, a landmark study that has followed the same couples for 20-plus years, the happiest couples are those who focus on what they like about their current relationship. "Focusing on what's going well -- rather than looking elsewhere for something that might be better -- strengthens a marriage," says marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., the study's project director and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.
Still not ready to give up your wandering eye? See if any of these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm just thinking about meeting someone new. I'm not acting on it, so I'm not hurting anyone. That's a slippery slope, says psychotherapist Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., author of The 7 Stages of Marriage. "If you're having those thoughts on regular basis, you're creating more vulnerability for yourself to be tempted -- and you're going to be in trouble sooner rather than later."
No More BUTS: Get On Your Partner's Team
by
I have friends, a married couple, who desperately love to compete. When they play Scrabble, it gets downright scary -- and a teeny bit vicious. They're always lunging for the dictionary, challenging each other's every word. And if one of them gets a high word score? You should see the in-your-face happy dance that ensues.
When you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to let go of the "me" and embrace the "we." That's the best way to have harmony at home, experts say. Once you stop seeing your partner as your opponent, you'll fight less -- and life will be a lot more copacetic. In fact, couples who cooperate with each other and work at solving problems together -- kind of like teammates -- are more likely to stay married, according to a recent study by UCLA researchers.
Do you feel like you're constantly on the defensive when you interact with your partner, desperate to stand your ground, exert your will and "win" -- whatever the topic? See if these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm right and my partner's wrong.
I have friends, a married couple, who desperately love to compete. When they play Scrabble, it gets downright scary -- and a teeny bit vicious. They're always lunging for the dictionary, challenging each other's every word. And if one of them gets a high word score? You should see the in-your-face happy dance that ensues.
When you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to let go of the "me" and embrace the "we." That's the best way to have harmony at home, experts say. Once you stop seeing your partner as your opponent, you'll fight less -- and life will be a lot more copacetic. In fact, couples who cooperate with each other and work at solving problems together -- kind of like teammates -- are more likely to stay married, according to a recent study by UCLA researchers.
Do you feel like you're constantly on the defensive when you interact with your partner, desperate to stand your ground, exert your will and "win" -- whatever the topic? See if these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm right and my partner's wrong.
Friday, January 17, 2014
An Exciting Opportunity to Share
Each new year holds an exciting opportunity to change the things we don’t like to the things we do like. It’s like a blank canvas for a new beginning to improve on what already is great or make the changes you know in your heart that will provide you with better health, more happiness and feelings of accomplishment.
For myself, I have recommitted to practicing more mindfulness in the present moment. I no longer want to look back and live in the past or forward and live in the future. I want to live right now, right this minute and be present for what already is. It is a struggle, but I am committed. So wish me luck!
The following is a poem I became fond of and want to share with you.
Until one is committed
There is always hesitancy, the chance to draw back
Always ineffectiveness.
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