by
So... you've been fantasizing about trading in your partner for a
newer model, hmm? Dreaming about what it would be like to be with
someone else? Well, you might want to knock it off. That "grass is
always greener" attitude could spell doom for your relationship in the
long run.
According to the Early Years of Marriage Project, a landmark study that has followed the same couples for 20-plus years, the happiest couples are those who focus on what they like
about their current relationship. "Focusing on what's going well --
rather than looking elsewhere for something that might be better --
strengthens a marriage," says marriage and family therapist Terri
Orbuch, Ph.D., the study's project director and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.
Still not ready to give up your wandering eye? See if any of these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm just thinking about meeting someone new. I'm not acting on it, so I'm not hurting anyone. That's a slippery slope, says psychotherapist Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., author of The 7 Stages of Marriage. "If
you're having those thoughts on regular basis, you're creating more
vulnerability for yourself to be tempted -- and you're going to be in
trouble sooner rather than later."
Monday, March 31, 2014
No More BUTS: Get On Your Partner's Team
by
I have friends, a married couple, who desperately love to compete. When they play Scrabble, it gets downright scary -- and a teeny bit vicious. They're always lunging for the dictionary, challenging each other's every word. And if one of them gets a high word score? You should see the in-your-face happy dance that ensues.
When you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to let go of the "me" and embrace the "we." That's the best way to have harmony at home, experts say. Once you stop seeing your partner as your opponent, you'll fight less -- and life will be a lot more copacetic. In fact, couples who cooperate with each other and work at solving problems together -- kind of like teammates -- are more likely to stay married, according to a recent study by UCLA researchers.
Do you feel like you're constantly on the defensive when you interact with your partner, desperate to stand your ground, exert your will and "win" -- whatever the topic? See if these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm right and my partner's wrong.
I have friends, a married couple, who desperately love to compete. When they play Scrabble, it gets downright scary -- and a teeny bit vicious. They're always lunging for the dictionary, challenging each other's every word. And if one of them gets a high word score? You should see the in-your-face happy dance that ensues.
When you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to let go of the "me" and embrace the "we." That's the best way to have harmony at home, experts say. Once you stop seeing your partner as your opponent, you'll fight less -- and life will be a lot more copacetic. In fact, couples who cooperate with each other and work at solving problems together -- kind of like teammates -- are more likely to stay married, according to a recent study by UCLA researchers.
Do you feel like you're constantly on the defensive when you interact with your partner, desperate to stand your ground, exert your will and "win" -- whatever the topic? See if these excuses sound familiar...
But... I'm right and my partner's wrong.
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