10 Steps to 'Loving for a Lifetime'

Love is a word that describes a complex human emotion. In my work, I hear time and time again, “I’m just not sure I am in love with him/her anymore”.  What does it mean when someone expreses his or her uncertainty?

I believe love is multi-dimensional, and very confusing. Everyday in my work I help people sort out what they mean when they say they love someone. Love is not just one experience. Love includes excitement and passion and love includes enjoyment and comfort. Love is about connection. Love is about commitment.

Romantic love, which is a special combination of physical attraction, powerful brain chemistry and emotional connection, is not all there is to love but when you fall in love, it is forever. This is where it gets confusing. How often have you heard that romantic love, also called passionate love, doesn’t last? However, the memory of falling in love is saved in your emotional brain’s memory bank. The memories you created as a couple are also there.

For me, the question isn’t whether love does or doesn’t last a lifetime.  The question is how do you preserve, protect, and keep romantic love alive for a lifetime. It is possible.


So, what is the secret to staying in love for a lifetime?  Here are the steps that I have identified to maintain passion for your partner.

1. Accept that it is possible.     
2. Nurture your feelings of romantic love by creating new memories.
3. Keep your promise of faithfulness: keep your fantasies of your partner alive and well. 
4. Show affection physically the majority of your days together.                          
5. Share your thoughts, feelings, desires, and dreams.
6. Spend time together doing things – from chores to sleeping or just hanging out.
7. Keep your sexual energy alive – and focused on your partner.
8. Practice empathy and understanding when you have conflict.
9. Share your feelings of gratitude for the life you have created and have shared.
10. Remember: this is ‘the one’ that you choose. Let your partner know how special that he or she is to you.  

For more information contact Dr. Rita with your specific questions at DrRita@RitaDeMaria.com. Answers will be provided to you individually.
The Chemistry of Relationships:
Emotions, the Brain, and the Experience of Love
A Research Brief by Rita DeMaria, PhD